DAY FORTY-EIGHT - AMY KENNEDY

Oct 16

Day Forty-eight | Amy Kennedy | NJ-02
786 Sawbuck Patriots | $8486 pledged today | $447,182 donated overall

Team:

THE SITUATION: NJ-02. It encompasses all of south New Jersey, includes Atlantic City, is very urban (as is most of New Jersey), and is politically flexible, having voted as its local, statewide, and federal representatives Republicans, Democrats, and at least one spineless, loudly dressed, utterly terrible weasel. (More on that shortly.) The district is +1 R registration, and is currently (and quite recently) represented by an R, who is the awful critter in question.

OUR CANDIDATE: We're reversing order today and going with our person, first. Sorry, traditionalists. But I'm attempting to use acceptable language today, and if I launch directly into what an absolute weasel the incumbent is, I'll probably use the F word and the J word and the ümlaut word and some other very, very bad words. (No, I don't know the "J word." Yes, I made up the "J word." Jerk? I guess. Never mind - it was supposed to be opaquely amusing.)

Amy Kennedy is an educator, a mental health advocate, and a member of a family with four generations of New Jersey service, who ALSO happened to marry a Kennedy. (One of those Kennedys, yes.) She's a mom of five, a smart, thoughtful human being who doesn't need to be told that we should care about other human beings, and is running on workers' rights, healthcare, children and family care, education, and on not being a staggeringly idiotic and substance-free weasel.

THE COMPETITION: Imagine, if you will, a Democrat in Congress from New Jersey named, sayforinstance, Jefferson. Jefferson is a man of ambition, but neither integrity nor creativity; Jefferson was elected to Congress kind of by accident when a bunch of party leaders looked around and couldn't find anyone else who wanted to do it. Jefferson is a Democrat, but just barely; mostly, he's in favor of being a super, super Jefferson. And one day, after being elected to Congress, one of his colleagues says "hey Jefferson all us Democrats are gonna impeach the President, because (gestures broadly at everything Trump's done.)"

Jefferson, of course, then does NOT say "cool beans that Ukraine call was indeed an absurd hold-up attempt on top of (gestures broadly at everything Trump's done in turn.)" Jefferson instead says "nope nope" and hustles his weasley rear over to the Oval Office where he tells Cheeto Mussolini - on TV! - that not only is he pledging his Undying Support to His Excellency, but that he's so impressed by the Great Man's smothering handshake that guess what - he's re-registering as a Republican Right Now! Imagine that this sad, poorly dressed little weasel doing that BEFORE telling his staff members. (I'm a four-time political staff member here; that's an utter betrayal and SO spectacularly amateur hour as to redefine what amateur hour even IS.)

Jefferson Van Drew is the mole-creature in question. (JEFFERSON IS THE J-WORD!) This tiny-souled ferret has abysmal taste both in clothing AND hero-worship. Despite probably not knowing how to swim (or govern), this content-free, garishly attired rodent enjoys attending those appalling Trump Boat Parades with his overlord, waving to crowds of inebriated, red-hatted, tiny-boat-sailing "yachtspeople."

Some call this Van Drew fellow a feckless traitor; that's far too kind, in my estimation. Jefferson Van Drew needs to be sent on an apology tour where he stands before gushing wastewater plants and talks about the error of his ways. He needs to go to middle schools and tell the kids Not To Live A Spineless Life Like He Done Went And Did. He needs to go, terribly ugly hat in hand, to the HQ of the National Association of Weasel Advancement, and repent for setting back their goals fifty years.

But to do so, he should have lots of free time, and therefore be out of office. And THE MATH SAYS AMY CAN WIN, and the weasel can be vanquished. So let's help lay the traps!

Sawbuck Patriots, it's go time: click HERE to send $10 (or more!) to Amy's campaign. Our collective effort will invest $8486 today.

Thank you!

- Alex / www.sawbuckpatriots.com

Alex Clemens

DAY FORTY-EIGHT - AMY KENNEDY

Sawbuck Patriots, it's go time: click HERE to send $10 (or more!) to Amy's campaign. Our collective effort will invest $8486 today.

DAY FORTY-NINE - COLLIN PETERSON

DAY FORTY-SEVEN - THE TEXAS STATEHOUSE

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