DAY THIRTY-SIX - SPINAL TAP AND PENNSYLVANIA DEMOCRATS

Oct 4

Day Thirty-six | Spinal Tap | Pennsylvania
760 Sawbuck Patriots | $8073 pledged today | $321,040 donated overall

Team:

A few things today. Let's start with some gratitude found in the inbox.

Dear Sawbuck Patriots:

I am excited that you’re not only willing to support me, but support so many other phenomenal candidates every day. We hold small dollar donors in a special place in our hearts here on Team Hart. So many people think that $10 doesn’t do much, that it’s only a drop in a very large bucket. But you’re proving again and again that these donations add up and allow us to connect with Democrats and reasonable Republicans who realize we need to work together to get things done. Our strategy is working, and with your help we'll get folks voting early and bring this home for Democrats.

Rita Hart

Sawbuck Patriots:

Thank you so much to all of the membership at Sawbuck Patriots for helping us to raise $13,671 to get Democratic voters to the polls in Texas and beyond. What your group is doing is incredibly impressive, and we are truly honored that you see the value in what we do.

We started as a small group in 2017 with an idea to go after overlooked voters in Texas. Basically the same people who are overlooked in society in general: people of color, people with disabilities, younger people, etc. By giving free roundtrip rides to the polls, we eliminate a significant barrier to many of these voters. We also serve as a voter ally, by figuring out for them where they can vote, explaining the voting process to inexperienced voters, and calling the Election Protection Hotline if there are issues.

But we are not a passive group waiting for voters to contact us for a ride. Your donations help us buy data from the Democratic Party in various geographic areas so that we can cull lists of these overlooked voters and do direct outreach to them. We do direct outreach by phones calls, texting and postcards, and your donations also help with all of that. These are voters that the candidates even the Democratic party rarely go after, but we know that any extra votes we can get will help us oust Trump and his colleagues!

With your support, we believe that we will be able to contact thousands of Democratic voters, and when we are able to do direct outreach, we experience a return of 9% - meaning that percentage of people contacted ride to the polls with us. Further, we believe that there are additional voters who choose to vote because of the contacts they receive from us.

Thank you for your partnership!

Sarah Kovich, Founder and President, Rideshare2Vote

Now, today's ask, and I'll keep this brief: what we participated in for the Princess Bride / Wisconsin Democrats event raised $4.5M for D outreach in that state. That's a ten out of ten, people! But the very loud rock stars/mock stars of Spinal Tap are ALSO reuniting to raise money for Pennsylvania Democrats, and I think we all know that keeping the Keystone State is an essential part of a November D win.

So that Wisconsin ten out of ten? That was great. But THIS one goes to ELEVEN. I'm donating $111 instead of $100 today, hope you'll donate at least $11 yourselves. (LMK if you do!) Click here, handle your donation, and then read what's below, please...

Sawbuck Patriots, it’s go time: click HERE and send $10 (or more, as it goes to eleven!) to Pennsylvania Democrats. Our collective effort will invest $8073 today.

And finally, I wrote something yesterday that I hope you'll find "helpful." Enjoy.

The President just released a video from Walter Reed where he appears to be in relatively good shape. But he will be there for a few days, and his condition is being closely monitored. Given the current situation, I’m getting lots of concerned inbound questions from friends about “what happens if” and sequence and order of actions and so on. As some of you know, I’ve worked in government in SF and DC, and have read more than my fair share of How This Works government documents. And while the process set out for temporary presidential succession during an illness was, regrettably, not designed to cover 100% of every imaginable eventuality, I think the path ahead is pretty clear, as long as you know the sequencing.

Let me walk you through it.

To start: if the President is having trouble executing his office, either he or his cabinet can invoke the 25th Amendment and temporarily transfer authority to run the government to the Vice President. (Yes, I am one of those who believe that this process should have gotten underway in January 2017. But I digress.)

When the appropriate paperwork is completed, the governing regulations suggest that either Stephen Miller or Eric Trump create a distraction (Hope Hicks is actually designated to do this, but she is in quarantine) by explaining to Donald how great and smart and manly he is and gazing adoringly at him, so that Chief of Staff Mark Meadows (assisted by a sturdy orderly) can deftly snatch away the President’s Twitter Phone, which as we know, currently runs much of the federal government.

With the phone secured, the Secret Service shall allow Mike Pence to gaze into the briefcase with the nuclear codes in a manner consistent with that of Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction. (And while this isn’t mandated by statute, it should be noted that during this time, Congressman Matt Gaetz will probably tug incessantly at Pence’s sleeve and demand to be named Vice Vice President, which isn’t in the constitution, but this doesn’t matter, you see, because Gaetz hasn’t read it, as there are no pictures to color.)

Thirty-five minutes after the phone grab, Tucker Carlson shall take to the airwaves and solemnly read the section of the thirty-third paragraph of the 25th Amendment that covers how Anthony Fauci is a Deep-State plant who hid some of the COVID in the President’s covfefe. This will trigger both Antifa and the Klan to shift from where they are now - standing back and standing by - into Deadly Pounce posture, and they shall, with haste, go to and relentlessly attack their closest post offices.

Simultaneously, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and his wife, Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, take as hostages Melania Trump, Barron Trump, Karen Pence and Rachel Maddow. (The first three are to be used as bargaining chips during the soon-to-be-furious wrangling about the SCOTUS confirmation schedule. Maddow is simply a convenient source of younger, fresher, transfusable blood. Doubt it? Don’t. Look at any current photo of this couple: McConnell appears desperately overdue for an oil change, whereas Chao’s clearly been over-indulging for decades.)

But I digress, again. After Carlson finishes speaking and the hostages are properly manacled, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi shall then calmly explain to the nation that the constitution puts the VP squarely in charge until the President constitutionally retakes his power, or until Jan 20 rolls around. As she reaches the end of the address, she will be constitutionally interrupted by a small troupe of shabbily clad Proud Boys wearing Al Haig masks. (As they are without the necessary verbal skills to explain why they are doing so, it shall remain quite a confusing interruption.) Immediately thereafter, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot must glare menacingly at the Proud Boys from behind a pillar, and they shall then retreat with slightly wetter pants than those in which they came, because have you SEEN her use the mean face?

Shortly thereafter, Senator Cory Booker will say something stirring and profound about the beacon of hope represented by our tradition of peacefully transferred leadership of American Democracy, which shall immediately be remixed by Ke$ha into a Tik-Tok dance challenge, overdubbed with no fewer than three internationally charting K-Pop songs, and amplified over all social platforms by Ukrainian Twitter bots and whatever remains of Breitbart and 8chan.

Then, as enumerated in section sixty-six of the 25th Amendment, Press Secretary Kaleilieliegh McEnananany will introduce Acting President Pence to America, though at the same time dramatically undercutting him by saying that Acting President Pence is only there because President The Best Ever And In Perfectly Fine Health And Not Currently Hospitalized At All THAT’S FAKE NEWS Trump told him to come out and do this meet the people thing even though Trump could do it himself if he WANTED to and REALLY he is still TOTALLY the President the 25th Amendment is just a silly convention that doesn’t mean anything unless Trump says it does, which he will shortly and NO I am not taking any dumb questions from the lying media. (Kellyanne Conroy will then applaud Kalielieliighieighie’s shameless dexterity from her secret quarantine location, where she hangs upside down whilst feasting upon the freshly harvested blood of Also Hostage Don Lemon, and confiscating her daughter’s phone again.)

While Pence earnestly makes meaningless platitude mouth noises from the podium (and tries to slip in a quick, un-noticed pardon or three of Trump), the cabinet must solemnly gather in the Situation Room and begin the Ritual Outwit Outplay Outlast Constitutional Stabbing Ceremony as outlined on page 192, footnote four of the Warren Commission version of the 25th, which also serves as the official Deep State 25th Amendment/Comet pizza menu, but only in even numbered years. As many of you already know, this of course begins with the entire cabinet violently setting upon Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, which is fine, because he’s been the Administration’s top Weekend At Bernie’s guy since Day One, and he may not even notice his own demise.

Once he has been dispatched, all Cabinet Secretaries may be ganged up upon and carved up in any order the participants desire. (Yes, Mark Burnett shall be the choreographer of this section of the event; he knows the drill and the best camera angles.)

The final two Cabinet Secretaries standing (Mnuchin, Carson, Barr and DeVos have the best Vegas odds at present, mostly because Chao of course will never even show up for the Stabbing Ceremony, as she has played the Hostage Caveat card) will solemnly attempt to both define and spell “emoluments.” Whichever one successfully does so first becomes Acting Temporary Vice President; if neither one wins the favor of the small panel of test proctors (Brett Kavanaugh, Nikki Haley, Kid Rock), Ivanka gets the nod instead. (Which creates a problem for the near future, because the good Rev. Pence won’t be in a room alone with a lady-person unless it’s Karen, or maybe Lindsey.)

And then, after all that, the election comes in November, and there’s voting, and vote-counting, which may add some minor complexities.

That’s it! Not so tough, once you know the order of events. I really hope this was helpful. I’m not a constitutional law scholar, so I may have left out some key decision points or unanticipated forks in the road. Feel free to correct me where I may have gone slightly off track.

- Alex

Alex Clemens

DAY THIRTY-SIX - SPINAL TAP AND PENNSYLVANIA DEMOCRATS

Sawbuck Patriots, it’s go time: click HERE and send $10 (or more, as it goes to eleven!) to Pennsylvania Democrats. Our collective effort will invest $8073 today.

DAY THIRTY-SEVEN - HILLARY SCHOLTEN

DAY THIRTY-FIVE - RITA HART

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